Hijacked

Hello! Cullen here, since it's Mother's Day, I'm hijacking this blog and doing a post about my favorite Mom.

Marilyn,

You are truly my inspiration. Seeing you with B and how you make his face light up, just makes my heart swell. You are such an amazing Mom. I'm proud to be able to finally call you that. You are a MOM and you deserve everything! You are my rock and my foundation. I didn't really think it was possible, but I love you more every single day. Thank you for all that you do! I've truly been blessed and I want you to know that. I thank God every day for the life he's given us. So Happy FIRST Mother's Day to the best MOM I know. I love you!

Cullen

Mother's Day

What is Mother's Day?

One day that you celebrate the important woman/mother/grandmother in your life. It can also be a day of pain as you long for the day when you can be celebrated. A day that makes you sad because you just want to be a mom. I remember this time one year ago and I remember giving my sister a little card to give her hope...someday you will be a mom. I remember Mother's Day not being as hard as Father's Day...because after all, I was the "issue" in the fertility puzzle so I always felt way worse for my husband then I did for myself!

What does a year bring? Me a mother, my sister a mother and today I anticipate Mother's Day with renewed hope, love for my son, excitement for my sister but I feel a great pain, a pain I didn't think I would feel. I think of "L" Bentley's birthmother and I am guessing this Mother's Day will be hard for her and my heart aches for her. We have an open relationship and we are actually sending her a package today to celebrate her! In our last visit we discovered a kind of candy she loves but has a hard time finding....so she is getting a case of it! We are also including a ton of pictures of Bentley for her but the thing I am most proud of and the thing I hope she loves is the gift of a blanket. It isn't any blanket...Cullen's mom made a blanket for her and she made a tiny matching one for Bentley. We are sending it with a note that reads: As the yarn in this blanket is entwined, you will forever be entwined in our hearts. I hope she enjoys cuddling with it...and we even let Bentley cuddle with it and took pictures to send to her...so she can see how he loved it too! (yes, it is pink, that is L's favorite color and who cares if B has a pink blanket..tough boys wear pink) :)

Here are a few pictures.





I only hope this care package gives her a smile and I know it won't make it better but I hope she knows how much we care for her and think that she is an amazing woman for what she has given us! We love you "L"!

Dreams

I am a dreamer. Not a dreamer in the sense of I would like to someday have a big house but a go to sleep dream strange dreams kind of gal and I usually remember them. I haven't had many dreams since Bentley has come home. I don't think I get enough sleep to actually get there.

Last night I had a dream! Can you believe it? I might be getting some good quality sleep! I can even remember the dream. That in our house is classified as BTS (Big Time Stuff)!

On to more exciting news. Bentley turned 3 months on April 17--yep, that has been several weeks ago. So today I leave you some photos of my prince charming. It won't be long till he is 4 months old--and I can't even believe how quickly it has gone.


He has now found his hands and he put them in his mouth all the time. He is quite the talkative little thing and it is so cute. He loves to imitate his daddy...they make some funny noises. He is wearing some 3 month stuff but is so long and a little chubby too so he is mainly wearing 6 month stuff! This kiddo is long--I am not sure how to handle long! I have the chubby down but long--it will be interesting. We are anxious to go to the doctor at the end of May for his 4 month check up to see how he is measuring!

We love him to pieces and each day our lives gets a little brighter because of him!

Things that make you go hmm.......

Have you ever listened to a conversation and thought--oh Lord, please don't let my child act like that?

Well, yesterday as I was taking B to the doctor for his cough that still hasn't gone away I sat in the waiting room and heard that conversation. It went like this:

Receptionist (R) Elizabeth could you please fill this out
Elizabeth (E) What? I already did paperwork
R I know but we need you to do this as well
E Ok, fine.
E (dials phone and talks to mom and using a loud and annoying voice, mocking the receptionist) Do we have a carbon monoxide detector? Do we have a smoke alarm? Do you excel in school? Do you have friends? Is your child adopted....not hearing the response on the other end I can guess it was a negative response because she laughed and said...shut up.

I sat there and listened and thanked God that B is a boy. I realize I will have my own challenges but I don't know that I could handle those things that come with a teenage girl. But then I sat and felt a pain in my heart...gosh, there are going to be tough times ahead, times that we have to tell B that it is ok to be adopted and that he is loved by many...and the list goes on....and I had to ask myself...am I prepared for that? Oh dear.....

Baptism

On Saturday, April 10 we had Bentley Baptized. It was a beautiful ceremony and we just love our priest Fr. Tom. He prayed for us and with us once we learned of Bentley and he was so excited for us once he knew we were home with him. He started by saying that the story of our child is one he will never forget! And now, his Baptism is something I will never forget. The love Fr. Tom poured into the words and prayers are hard to capture and recreate.

One thing that stayed with me was when he said to me, Marilyn the greatest gift you can give Bentley is the love you have for Cullen, his dad and Cullen the greatest gift you can give to Bentley is the love you have for Marilyn, his mom. So true, so important to remember. The other memorable piece was the prayer for the mother and the prayer for the father, what a beautiful prayer and it felt so good to hear someone call me a mother...me a mother...something I have waited many years to be. Something I don't take for granted and something that I am at peace with! A beautiful day all around!

Bentley in his fancy little outfit! This little guy just makes me melt!

Through the Eyes of a Child

We had an amazing Easter weekend. However we did manage to pack our days a little too full. My brother Mike and his girlfriend Laura came in from Denver and it was the first time for them to meet both new babies--Bentley and Jayla. So the festivities started with egg coloring on Friday night. Saturday afternoon the zoo, Saturday night dinner with my family, Sunday morning breakfast with my family, Mass and then dinner with Cullen's family. Wow--I get tired just thinking about it.
Here is a picture of Uncle Mike and Laura holding the babies!



On Saturday morning at 9:30 we had a visit with B's birthmom and her parents. They came to our house for breakfast. This was the first time we had seen each other since the entrustment ceremony on Feb. 3. We have exchanged several emails and texts but this was the first "in person" meeting since that day. I can't even begin to tell you how emotional it was. I have had several people ask about it and to describe our relationship is hard. The love we have for L and her family goes beyond words. To see them love on B and to talk to him and to gaze into his eyes not only makes me feel so blessed but it also makes me feel a little guilty. Guilty that we are the ones enjoying every minute of this little guys life. I never feel threatened, I never feel like they are judging us or like L is upset about her decision but I do feel the love they have for him and I feel the pain they feel when they are leaving. The silence from the last hug, kiss, goodbye and whispered I love you is painful. I cry every time I think of it and I cried when I witnessed it. I feel incredibly lucky to have them in our life, it is amazing to have so many people love this little one and I look forward to watching our lives grow together.

I see it through my own eyes but I wonder what B sees, thinks and feels or how he will see it as he grows older. To me it is the greatest gift of all--love in all forms! This Easter we felt tired from the running but that just means we are truly blessed beyond measure.

B is for Bunny!

No words are necessary----except for this--isn't he so freaking cute!!!!