How can you leave this face?

Tomorrow I go back to work. It has only been 15 days...15 days off work with my baby and now I have to go back. Cullen is off the rest of the week and then B will start "daycare" next Monday. On Monday and Thursday Cullen's parents will watch him and then the other days my sister will watch him (she has about 3-4 other kiddos she watches). He will be in great hands--but I struggle with him virtually being raised by someone else during the week! It makes me very sad--but I know that there are thousands of others that do it and the kiddos survive and thrive! I just have to get over it...and think positive.

So please excuse the tears tomorrow as I take in the normal route to work...with some coffee and some new photos to place on my desk. I just never thought it would be this hard!

Dear B

We think you are cute and we think you smell good and you are warm. But we really need some sleep. We like to sleep during the day, and you are home during the day. We like to sleep at night, and you are up crying for some strange formula and getting your diaper changed. We love you and are glad you are part of our family but we need our sleep. Since you have arrived, we haven't been the same! We are sure we will adjust but could you maybe, just maybe sleep through the night? We need to catch up on our sleep too!

Much love from your "siblings"
Rosco and Maggie

My Boys

There is nothing more beautiful to me than the sight of my husband holding, singing, talking and loving our son! Cullen headed back to work for 4 days (he is off next week) on top of rehearsing every night for a play that opens this weekend and I know it tore him apart as he left the house this morning. It is amazing how adding a child into your life, gives you such purpose and changes your priorities. We are a family now, he whispered last night, he is our son! It brings tears to my eyes to realize that those things are true and we couldn't be more in love with each other and in love with Bentley.

We're Still Alive and Doing Well

Well, we took Bentley to the doctor for a check up yesterday and the big guy weighed in at 10 pounds--and grew an inch or so! The best part of the check up was when he peed on the nurse and all over the hallway. Daddy was so proud...and we laughed and laughed.


Right now our life consists of bottles, laundry, diaper changes and loving the little peanut. Cullen has a play that will open next week so we have been spending the evenings alone--and it is sometimes scary because I am not sure what the night will bring..but so far, he is doing great! We will survive--this is what we have been waiting for....so it is all good. As they say...it's all good in the hood!

An Attempt at Explaining God's Perfect Plan

We had our home visit to update our paperwork for the adoption because it had been about a year. It was Monday, January 25. We love, love, love our caseworker. She came over and we had dessert and just chatted--she asked some very specific somewhat strange questions...would you be able to travel out to Western Nebraska, legal risk, and the list goes on--then she asked "So, did you guys get that travel insurance for Hawaii"? We responded and laughed...nope and she said with a smile "I could just punch you in the face"....and we said it is a week...she said, I know how long a week is.

The call--a day I will never forget. Just got back from the tanning place...ya know, going to Hawaii. And I had a message to call "Kim" from our agency. I called and she said, a birthmother would like to meet with you and Cullen and here is the information we have: Baby B born January 17, 2010 at 2:32 a.m. 8 lbs, 4.5ounces and 20.5 inches long, healthy, healthy boy. Among other details.

We went to Western Nebraska that Thursday to meet birthmother "L" and it was a match made in Heaven. The only name she was set on keeping was the middle name James (which is L's dad's name and my grandpa's middle name) and his first name Bentley happen to be the small town my husband grew up in...so we decided to keep both names for this little guy. We got the call the day after the 29th anniversary of Cullen's brother's death, he was born on a day that I cried and cried in church as I reflected on where I am in my life. The only kicker was there was a "legal risk" and we had to wait till L signed the papers till it was 100% because of the birth father. We decided on the way home to cancel Hawaii because we just felt this was the real deal...so we canceled Hawaii, worked on preparing for a nursery and left for Western Nebraska Wednesday, Feb. 3--the same day we were to leave for Hawaii...the trip we called the We can't have a Fing Baby Trip...doesn't God have a good sense of humor? He most definitely has the plan and this plan was perfect. We both love "L" and have been in touch via email. The entrustment ceremony was so emotional and I am sure there is so much more to tell you all, but I can tell you this..."B" is a blessing and with my sister having her baby in 6 weeks, God's plan is perfect and I have to say that I will always trust you Lord!

I will update with some photos soon---but now I have a screaming, precious, hungry baby and it feels so right!

Aloha

Hawaii will always be there! On February 3 we were to leave at 6 a.m. for Hawaii--instead we drove 5 hours to pick up our son--yep OUR SON!


Welcome Little B
Born January 17

We are blessed with a beautiful baby boy and God brought us this miracle the same day we were to leave for Hawaii. When I have some time, I will update with the story....